Daring to Trust

Field of Poppies, by Raceytay. As far as the eye can see ...

Admittedly, my heart is heavy today.

This morning I learned that the city where my son lived prior to his adoption is six feet under water. There is flooding throughout the country. In the 2 weeks that my husband and I spent in Thailand, we fell in love with the people and places, sites and sounds. We had mixed emotions about leaving the country behind to return home.

This morning in Sunday School, I taught a great group of teenage girls the importance of trusting as opposed to worrying. And now the test of my sincerity falls into  my own lap. (Isn't that usually how it works?)

Problem: Sometimes worry is the easy and indulgent choice.

Response: The correct solution to worry is always trust in God.

Our trust in God cannot be linked to getting what we want when we want it. It must be linked to the wisdom of God and wanting what He wants in His time. He knows infinitely better than we do what is best for our lives.

And so, by choice, I trust.

Bananas Over My Baby Shower

Forgive me for writing a short post.

Tonight my dear friends threw me a sock-monkey-themed baby shower. I am humbled by the love that has been shown to my family during the adoption process. 130+ people gathered to eat egg rolls and open gifts and discuss blessings. (Life can't be better than when you are surrounded by 130+ of your favorite people.)

Simply put, my heart is full of gratitude and my house is full of kid stuff.

I anticipate opportunities to encourage other people like people have encouraged me.

So, so happy ...

SPARK #3: To the Moon and Back

Today's SPARK challenge is all about love. Write to or about someone who has changed your life. Any age. Any stage. 100 to 200 words.

I began a journal for my son on Monday when he came to live with us. (See the photo above.) Here is a snippet from that first page ...

"Buddy, I would say it was love at first sight, but in reality, we loved you long before that. Nearly 30 months ago we heard about you and saw you for the first time. There was never a question for either your dad or me that we wanted to adopt you and love you for the rest of our lives ..."

XOXOXO,

Wait Gain: It's Almost Over

Check this out: It's Spelled Love, by jmbarclay. Buy a print here!

Nearly one year ago, I wrote on this blog that my husband and I are in the process of adopting. I am thankful to report that our wait for our son is almost over.

On March 16, 2009, Luke and I made the decision to wade into the adoption waters. We had heard about a little boy in need of a family and decided to pursue his adoption. From the very first piece of official paperwork we submitted, we made the choice of this child. Our love for him--though difficult to explain--has existed these past 28 months.

We will meet this little boy soon. How our eyes ache to see him. How our arms ache to hug him. How our mouths ache to tell him--again and again--that he is loved.

Soon enough.

(FYI: I feel comfortable saying that we will travel because we have two house sitters, a guard dog, and round-the-clock surveillance of our home. Not to mention that all of our valuables--every last one--will be with us on this trip. We leave only some books and our fish tank behind.)

That said, this blog may or may not be updated during the next few days. It is my hope to post a photo each day--perhaps of the homes or shops or sites we visit. Many of you have traveled this journey with us. We hope to share the next few days with you.

For now, I leave you with this thought:

What about the stories that do not have a happy ending?

Whether or not the desire is granted, the illness relieved, the loss restored--the ending for the child of God is always certain, and it is always bright. God is in control. He will allow the best thing to happen to us every time. Eventually, in the providence of God, He will bring us to Heaven where we will praise Him for eternity.

Make no mistake. Our God is faithful.

Measuring Love

All Spirocreations cuffs are one of a kind...own the ONLY one!

Life is hard.

There is no way around it. Today, I sat on the couch with a to-do list the size of Texas, and I wondered why it was so difficult just to do what needed to be done. From the simplest challenges to the most complex, little in life is easy.

At times, I've resented this fact.

Twenty-eight months after beginning the adoption process, I'm ready to move to the next chapter, you know? Thankfully the plane tickets are purchased and the bags are being packed. But soon there will be another difficult chapter in life. Here is what I understand about challenges:

"Angry, resentful questions about the painful circumstances of life become unnecessary when we begin to grasp that God does everything for us in love. And though we will never fully comprehend this love--as someone tossed in the ocean with a yardstick could never begin to measure the width or the depth--we can trust His goodness based on what He has already done." Trust, Hope, Pray page 28

If He loved us enough for the cross, He'll love us enough for this week and the tasks we are called to accomplish.

Love & Space Bags

I love this small wood ampersand by Hindsvik! Check it out.

Tonight: A note from loyal reader, Heidi:

I have an idea for your next "favorite things" blog--an ode to Space Bags. I love them. They are my new favorite thing. I took four bins of linens and condensed them to one shelf. Now I'm off to condense sweaters. These things are wonderful!

Thanks, Heidi! I have never used space bags. But something I DID recently discover: nesting.

(It isn't just a pregnancy thing. Apparently it applies to mothers who are adopting, too.)

Plane tickets purchased. Child proofing gear in place. Itinerary pages printed.

Now to learn about space bags ...

Home Is Where the Art Is

This beautiful rosebud ring, by gardenmis, has robin's egg blue flowers, accents of honey yellow, and specks of lemongrass green.

Today has been a long time coming. It's appropriate that I should receive such a wonderful e-mail on the day I compile my In Print entry here on the blog.

This afternoon I opened my e-mail from our social worker and the words beamed off the page:

Wooo hoooo!

And somewhere between the third and seventh 'o' I knew we had life altering news coming our way.

Today I learned that my husband and I have been invited to travel to meet our son and bring him home. My heart is full. We should be in the country in the next few weeks. 

There is plenty to do. I need to dust his room and update photo frames. I need to pack suitcases and buy plane tickets. I need to solidify plans with our house sitter.

... and I need to prepare my heart for the responsibility and privilege of loving this child forever.

It's a Wooo hoooo!  kind of day.

Eat. Sleep. Pray.

1 handmade bottle cap magnet by CherryCute

Tonight I am praying, specifically, to receive news of my son this week. His room is getting dusty again.

Here is what I know:

Apathetic prayer is of little value to anyone.

It is not the stringing of words together that moves the heart of God. Even the Pharisees knew how to pray (Luke 18:11), yet their prayers were ineffective because they were not honoring God.

The prayer that honors God is the prayer that agrees with Him. Whether communicating adoration, confession, thanksgiving, or supplication, there is an appropriate way to pray.

The prayer that takes hold of the communicated truths of the Bible and repeats them back to the God who inspired them is favorably received by our gracious Father.

And so tonight, I pray.

Happy Birthday, Child of Mine.

Photo by franzi ヅ

Today my son is 4 years old.

Love is a funny thing.

When my husband and I began the process of adoption in March 2009, never did I believe that I would love someone I've never met with such intensity. I've seen people love their unborn children--sure--I've witnessed mothers with stars in their eyes as they unrolled that sleeve of sonogram photos with peanut-sized shadows. I've listened to grandparents talk about future grandchildren as if they were already Ivy League grads or self-made millionaires.

But I never realized how easily it would happen to me.

I promised myself I'd keep boundaries. I haven't put photos on the wall. The door to his bedroom is usually closed. I allow myself to watch the DVD only a dozen or so times a day.

During the past 27 months, there have been a (small) handful of days when I thought I might lose the ability to adopt him altogether. It was on those days that I realized how much the heart can love what the arms can't hold.

I never realized how easily it would happen to me. But it did.

Today my son is 4 years old. He is sleeping right now (or else antagonizing the night shift workers). He does not know what his future holds--how often we'll walk to the park as a family or eat ice cream cones at the end of Grandma's street. He's probably never played fetch with the dog or taken trips to the bookstore on Saturday mornings. But he will.

And though I know my days of perfect parenting are numbered (as in, I'll probably destroy my 4-year record on the day we meet), I know this much:

I love that little boy. And I always will.

Love is a funny thing.

Happy 4th birthday, Son.

Good News, Good News, and Good News

Photo by GranniesKitchen

Good thing it's "Junk Drawer Monday." I have 3 unrelated items to share with you tonight.

First, at 10:36 this morning I learned that my husband's and my adoption case was presented to the child adoption board overseas and PASSED. It's been a wonderful day. Honestly, you could probably tell me I need a root canal and I would thank you. The support I have felt from each of you has been overwhelming, and I can only hope that I have the opportunity to return the kindness that has been shown to me.

Second, since this is May 2nd, I am rolling out the website update for this month. You will notice--at the bottom of each post, when you hit the "comments" button--you now have the opportunity to "like" or "send" the blog entry via Facebook. Several of you have requested this addition, and I am happy to make it available. Also, don't forget that when we reach 500 fans on Facebook, I will add a page of "Honcho Hints" onto the website.

Finally, since this Sunday is Mother's Day, we will be celebrating all week here on the blog. (Why not?!) Many of you responded with answers to questions about your mums. I will be posting those--and soliciting more answers--to share throughout the week! Keep your ear to the ground. Lots of good things are coming soon . . .

Let's celebrate!

Adoption Update: The Weight of Waiting

Photo by justDONQUE.images

It's been awhile since I've posted an update about our son's adoption. Please allow me to change that.

777 days ago, my husband and I embarked on the journey of a lifetime. After learning about a little boy in an orphange far away--and seeing him via a DVD we received in the mail--we decided to do whatever it took to adopt him. Of course, at the time, we had no idea what "whatever it meant" included.

We filled out hundreds of pages of paperwork. We completed home studies and fingerprinting. We attended group meetings and paid bills. And of course, we did a lot of praying.

And we thought--given what we were told--that we could expect to meet our little guy within one year.

Today marks Day #777, (month 26).

This past Tuesday, our adoption case was supposed to be presented to the child adoption board overseas. We had good reason to believe we would receive good news on Wednesday or Thursday. But we've heard nothing. I never thought hearing nothing would be as hard as hearing, "No."

I can sum up our adoption experience in one word: waiting.

I'm not going to lie. Escape is appealing. Our natural response during a season of trial is desire for its conclusion. But escape isn't always God's plan for our lives. Christlikeness is the goal, and satisfaction in Him is the key.

And so we wait . . .

The Strength of Three

Photo by HarshLight

I have 3 items of business to bring to your attention. (Three is quickly becoming a trend on Monday nights.)

1. CourtneyB is the winner of The Daniel Fast Made Delicious. In response to the question of how she celebrates spring, Courtney said she does so, ". . . with CHANGE and PROGRESS! Spring brings back the motivation that I've been lacking all winter. Reminding myself daily to 'Just be faithful today' ... keeps me from getting overwhelmed."

Lovely answer, Courtney! (Now keep me from getting overwhelmed by sending me your contact info ASAP so I can send you your new cookbook!)

2. You will notice a new tab at the top of the page. I am now pleased to link to those who link to House Honcho. Consider it a mom-to-mom sale. Minus the moms. Plus the blogs.

3. My heart is a million miles away tonight. (Well, technically 8,557 miles.) We received word that our adoption case has the potential of being reviewed tonight (while we're sleeping) by the overseas child adoption board. Should our case be reviewed, we can finally discuss travel.

Tonight, in my tidied living room, I met with my brother, sister-in-law, and husband. Huddled together and connected by compassion for our little brown-eyed buddy, we prayed that our 749 days of waiting is almost finished.

We're ready to bring him home.

Goodnight--

Dear Audience of One

Photo by • Happy Batatinha •

On Friday, we received the child history that we have been waiting for.

The next item we need to cross off our adoption to-do list is a "welcome book" that introduces our little guy to his new home. So, this evening, I sat down like a child in art class, carefully cutting and pasting photos into a book. You'll have to use your imagination for the accompanying illustrations, but here is what the book contains.

It says:

Page 1: Welcome.
Page 2: This is your new house.
Page 3: We will be your mom and dad. (We love you!)
Page 4: This is the kitchen. (We saved a chair for you.)
Page 5: This will be your bedroom.
Page 6: We will read many books.
Page 7: This is the family room. (We can't wait for you to join us!)
Page 8: These will be your grandparents. (They love you!)
Page 9: These are your aunts and uncles. (They love you!)
Page 10: You have lots of cousins! (They love you!)
Page 11: Your cousins will be some of your very best friends!
Page 12: We will do many wonderful things together. (Your dad will help you pick pumpkins.)
Page 13: We will meet many wonderful people! (Your mom will help you make friends.)
Page 14: We will travel to many wonderful places! (Your cousins will teach you fun things!)
Page 15: We will spend time with nice people. (Your grandma and great grandma will kiss you . . . a lot!)
Page 16: We will celebrate many special holidays from the U.S. and Thailand.
Page 17: But best of all . . .

Page 18: We will love you for the rest of our lives.


Friends, I love caring for my home. But I really love that soon enough I will have one more occupant to clean up after . . .

On Winners and Waiters

Photo by ben.seid.

In true keeping with the random nature of a junk drawer, I have two things to share today.

First, we have a winner in our commenting contest! Thank you to the 32 comments that have been left on the new site! It feels good to be "home" in this new layout. Consider your comments the lavender-scented shelf paper. It's starting to feel much cozier!

Oh yes. The winner. (Listen to me ramble. Yikes!)

On March 1, 2011, Heather said:

I like the new layout--very nice! I'd also love to win the BB&B card. It's such a great place to shop for the home!

I couldn't agree with you more. So a $20 gift card will be mailed to you as soon as you click here and send me the address where you'd like to have it mailed. And to all of you Heather-impersonators, I shall not be fooled.

Finally, to those of you who have graciously asked for an adoption update . . .

One month ago this week, we received notification that our paperwork is completely finished overseas. Our jubilation has been tempered by the fact that it continues to collect dust on a desk somewhere. We haven't seen it yet. Hopefully soon. Next week marks 2 years since we began this journey.

And that's the lid on today's junk drawer--

Adopted: Past Tense

http://abc.go.com/shows/supernanny

Monday we discuss "junk drawer" contents, and do I have some junk for you!

Forgive me while I take a short detour down Pet Peeve Lane.

This evening I stumbled across an advertisement for Super Nanny--the show about the one and only Jo Frost who changes lives one family at a time by teaching adults how to parent. Her advertisement for the most current episode reads:

Jo helps a mother of four adopted children maintain control of the house.

Now, I am all about adoption. I really am. I am not ashamed to say that I was adopted or that I am adopting. But it bothers me (read: infuriates me) when people use "adopted" to define the problem, malfunction, or shortcoming of a person or situation. If we are going to define people by the way they enter their family, I suggest the following headlines in upcoming newspapers:

Activist, born via Caesarean section, attacked in his home.

Child, born prematurely, expelled from school.

Lady, born at the side of the road during a snowstorm, succumbs to lung cancer.

And while we are on the topic: Adoption happens once and then it is over. Adoption isn't who you are--it's how you arrived. Adoption isn't any more to blame for personal shortcomings than, say, being born in a swimming pool in the center of your mother's living room.

. . . which requires a whole second post and new supply of energy.

Sunday Pearls: Good News

Photo by psyberartist

On Wednesday, I made the decision not to check my e-mail.

Next month marks two years since my husband and I began the process to adopt our son overseas. As each day passes, I seem to get more obsessive about checking my e-mail to see if we've heard anything. And on Wednesday, it occurred to me with all the reverberations of a lighting bolt that I was only hurting myself.

So, for the first time in two years, I logged out of my account. Hands raised, I backed up slowly.

And wouldn't you know it? On Wednesday morning--moments after I logged out--the e-mail that we had waited for finally arrived. The subject proclaimed:

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME GOOD NEWS?

[Insert my belated response, which was a giddy, mouth-covered, head-bobbing, tear-filled YES!]

Our paperwork overseas is done. We now wait for the invitation to travel. We have no idea when that will be, but we earnestly pray it will be by the first week of May . . . which happens to be Mother's Day.

And here is what we know: God's will happens in God's way on God's schedule ... every time.

The Mightiest of God's Mighty Acts

Photo by *NEXT* design for your modern home

As I enter the 23rd month of waiting, I am thinking on these
words:

"Adoption is the mightiest of God’s mighty acts of salvation, and without transgressing the line between the divine and the created, God does reach across it and establish a relationship more intimate than we could have imagined.

In adopting children, God does something that enacts, for us and our salvation, his eternal being as Father, Son, and Spirit among us. Eternal sonship becomes incarnate sonship and brings created sonship into being."

--Fred Sanders

Now Entering: Month 23

Photo by katerha

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

So true.

Still. Still. Still.

Photo by turoczy

Nothing like illness to remind you what health is all about.

It's good to be back in the land of the living. Hopefully this week will be better than last in my household!

This week, my husband and I marked 22 months on our calendar since we began the adoption process. Our hearts are heavy--made heavier by the time of year--but we rejoice that God is still in control. He is and always will be the Master of our calendar.

And here is what we are meditating on tonight:

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Happy Christmas week, Friends!

Platinum Albums

Photo by mike warren

Tonight I have been oogling over new photos of my son which arrived via e-mail this afternoon.

So pardon this post. It will be short. (I need to get back to oogling.)

I wanted to share an idea for storing recipes. Photo albums. Why not store recipe cards in photo albums? They are the size of photos (or smaller). And then they are easy to store/find/return. And cute, colorful albums would look great on a shelf in the kitchen!

Just a thought. It always seems the right card is hard to find in a pinch. Unless, of couse, you are of the electronically inclined.